Knowing the thoughts, feelings, and motivations of all your characters is important for a writer. But if you’re trying to communicate this information to the reader by head hopping, or jumping between multiple perspectives in the same scene without clear delineations, you’re probably infuriating your readers unintentionally.
What is Head Hopping?
Many books show the point of view (POV) of multiple characters, clearly denoting changes in perspective with a chapter or section break. In contrast, head hopping is when a writer jumps between the thoughts and POVs of different characters in a scene without clear breaks or delineations. For example, consider the following scene:
“This is the one from that commercial! You know, the one of the couple snuggling? They say it’s supposed to support both of your bodies perfectly.” Hanna caressed the soft lines and ridges of the mattress, already imagining how it would change their lives. “And feel that. Isn’t it soft?”
“Mmmhmm,” Mark said. But it was also way too expensive, just like everything else here. They needed a new mattress, not a new monthly payment.
“So you like it then,” she prodded.
“Not really, no.”
Hanna groaned inwardly. This was the fifth mattress she’d pointed out in as many minutes, and still, she couldn’t get Mark to even feign interest in one. But meeting each other halfway was important. What was it Dr Everett had said? Marriages are two way streets.
He glanced around for the clearance section. They didn’t need something fancy, just something livable.
She forced a smile. “Ok, well, which ones do you like?”
Finally.
“What about this one over here,” he asked, voice overly chipper.
The mattress, somewhat fraying, boasted a hideous red clearance tag.
Please note that this scene is NOT an example of third person subjective omniscient narration. With a third person subjective omniscient narrator, the reader still follows the POV and distinct voice of the narrator; it just so happens that this narrator can access the thoughts of other characters. For example, a subjective omniscient narrator could be God, Death, or even an unnamed entity. According to Alex Cabal—the writer and software developer who runs Scribophile, Writerfolio, and Standard Ebooks—the key to subjective omniscient narration is that “the narrator has a strong “voice” and that all emotions in the story are filtered through the narrator’s words, not the characters’.”
In contrast, our above scene lacks a clear omniscient narrator, subjective or otherwise. The scene just head hops, or switches between Hanna and Mark’s voices and perspectives interchangeably.
Head Hopping Weakens Prose and Frustrates Readers by…
Causing Confusion
One of the biggest downsides of head hopping is the high risk it poses to clarity and reader understanding, as the reader struggles to determine whose POV they are in. In our previous head-hopping excerpt, for instance, who thinks that Mark’s tone is overly chipper: Hanna or Mark himself? Who is describing the clearance mattress’s “hideous” tag?
Such scenes can easily grow confusing, especially if the author is head hopping frequently, jumping between more than two characters, or switching without emphasizing when these narrative shifts are occurring. According to author Jennifer Ellis, head-hopping thus "jumps" the reader "out of the 'narrative dream'" and moved the focus to "the mechanics of the passage, rather than the story." In other words, if readers are stuck re-reading passages and struggling to determine whose perspective is whose, they'll have a much harder time appreciating your characters, plot, and world!
Spoiling Authenticity and Character Immersion
Readers don’t just want a strong story; they want to be immersed in the emotions, experience, and perspective of an authentic POV character. Head hopping achieves the opposite effect by asking readers to be multiple characters at once, something which “reminds readers that they are in a story written by an author,” according to fiction editor Louise Harnby. For example, in our head hopping scene, the reader bounces between Hanna’s growing frustration over an unfulfilled desire for change and Mark’s more reluctant, financially driven perspective. Readers don’t have enough time to fully invest in either mindset, meaning that they aren’t able to fully put themselves in the shoes of either character. Instead of being immersed in a realistic POV, according to Harnby, “Now I’m everyone… Authenticity has fallen off a cliff.”
Undercutting Tension and Suspense
Our POV character, unless they’re a psychic, has no way of knowing what the other characters are thinking. This limited point of view creates opportunities for surprises, intrigue, and even misunderstandings or conflicts.
Hanna, for example, can only access her own experience of the scene: she sees Mark poke her dream mattress, offer brief responses, and chipperly indicate the cheapest mattress in the store, leaving her with several pressing questions. Does Mark care about getting a new mattress at all? Does he know how important this outing is to Hanna? Does he value his relationship with Hanna as much as she does? If the author rooted the reader in Hanna’s POV, these questions would create tension and challenge readers to find their own answers by analyzing the observations made in Hanna’s limited, potentially biased experience of the scene.
In contrast, the head hopping version eliminates any sense of tension or mystery. The reader isn’t questioning Mark’s intentions along with Hanna, because the reader can see what both characters are thinking. The result is a flatter, less immersive piece of writing, where the reader can no longer interpret the POV character’s experience for themselves because the author has simply told them exactly what both characters are thinking in the scene.
Telling Instead of Showing
According to Kahina Necaise, editor for The History Quill and Fabled Planet, “if only subconsciously, readers perceive head hopping as a lazy way to convey what a character thinks or feels.” Why? Because head hopping allows writers to simply state the thoughts and feelings of each character in the scene directly. In other words, head hopping makes clumsy “telling” much easier than subtle “showing.”
There’s a lot to be said on the topic of showing instead of telling emotions (in fact, I’ve written a whole editorial article on the subject). In general, however, when a writer stays in the perspective of the scene’s POV character, “telling” the reader about the internal life of other characters becomes much more difficult to do. After all, the POV character has no way of knowing what other characters are thinking or feeling, so the author has no way of stating that content directly! Instead, the writer must show their readers how a given character feels through clues like body language, actions, and dialogue, creating a stronger, more immersive scene.
Signaling Authorial Confusion
Frequent head hopping can be a sign of more serious writing issues, such as a lack of authorial focus and intention. For example, let’s say Mark is my protagonist and I’m trying to write our example scene from his perspective. If I find myself frequently head hopping to Hanna, maybe I should consider whether this scene is necessary to Mark’s story. If it’s only necessary for Hanna’s story, I should either cut the scene or write it in her POV, without head hopping.
According to Necaise, “an attempt to tell everyone’s story usually becomes no one’s story.” In other words, excessive head hopping can confuse readers as to who exactly the main character is, because the writer forces the reader to spend their time jumping into different POVs instead of immersing themselves in the POV of the protagonist(s).
How to Avoid Head Hopping
Let’s consider how our previous head hopping scene could be rewritten to stay in Hanna’s POV:
“This is the one from that commercial! You know, the one of the couple snuggling? They say it’s supposed to support both of your bodies perfectly.” Hanna caressed the soft lines and ridges of the mattress, already imagining how it would change their lives. “And feel that. Isn’t it soft?”
Mark poked the mattress with one finger. “Mmmhmm.”
“So you like it then?”
“Not really, no.”
Hanna groaned inwardly. This was the fifth mattress she’d pointed out in as many minutes, and still, she couldn’t get Mark to even feign interest in one. But meeting each other halfway was important. What was it Dr Everett had said? Marriages are two way streets.
Noticing him glancing around for the clearance section, she forced a smile. “Ok, well, which ones do you like?”
His eyes lit up, voice suddenly chipper. “What about this one over here?”
The mattress, somewhat fraying, boasted a hideous red clearance tag. Hanna glared at it.
Note how the reader is immersed in a single POV, momentarily “becoming” Hanna by experiencing the scene through her observations and emotional landscape. This revision avoids the frustrating confusion and “telling” of head hopping while also adding tension and character immersion by staying rooted in a single POV. Yet this revision is also fairly small. Oftentimes avoiding head hopping is surprisingly easy to accomplish, even on a larger chapter or story level! Just follow these five steps:
1. Consider Which POVs You Want to Follow in Your Story. Who Is the Main Character? Whose Story Do You Want to Tell?
Newer writers and/or those who struggle with frequent head hopping will benefit most from tackling a single POV project before taking on a multi-POV one. When you stay in one perspective, you don’t need to worry about the additional issues of multi-POV stories (for example, determining which other POVs are necessary to the story, whether some POVs are more interesting than others, or which POV is the best for a particular scene). Instead, single POV projects allow writers to focus on immersing themselves and their readers in the perspective of their protagonist, growing and honing their craft prior to tackling the extra challenges of multiple POVs.
If you want to tell more than one character’s story, however, you should ask yourself some additional questions. Which of these characters are the most important to the story? What is the order of prominence for the POV characters? Familiarize yourself with which POV characters are the most and least important, so that you know how much page space each POV should get. Remember that you only have so many pages in a story to allow the reader to bond with your characters. Generally speaking, you want to keep the reader focused on your main protagonist or protagonists!
2. Decide Which POV is the Best Choice for Each Chapter or Scene.
In a single POV project, this step is easy: the answer is your protagonist!
In a multi POV project, ask yourself:
Which potential POV character is the most important to the story? Attempting to tell everyone’s story will only detract focus and immersion from your main character or characters. You only have so many pages to make your reader invested in your protagonist(s), so try to pick the most important POVs over those of more minor characters. For our above example, I decided to pretend that Hanna and Mark are equally important characters. If Mark was truly the protagonist, though, he would be the stronger choice in most cases.
Who has the most at stake in this scene? Who has the most to lose? If you’re picking between POV characters of roughly equal importance, using the POV character with the most at stake in the scene will create the most tension, drama, and investment for the reader! For our above revision, I decided to choose Hanna, as she is attributing much more emotional meaning to the scene’s shopping trip than Mark. Thus, she seems to have much more to lose. However, Mark could still be a strong choice for POV, especially if he has more at stake in the scene than meets the eye currently (for example, if he just lost his job and hasn’t told Hanna yet).
Who is learning, growing, or changing the most in this scene? Whose character development arc is most prominent? If one of your POV characters faces a major turning point, revelation, or character development in this scene, then give the reader their perspective in order to emphasize their growth through their internal life, adding yet another layer of intrigue and interest to the scene! Neither character in our example scene is undergoing any major character development, but, at least based on this short snippet, I’d argue that Hanna arguably demonstrates the most growth by attempting to follow the advice of Dr. Everett.
3. Clearly Establish POV Transitions.
For those working on multi-POV projects, it’s important to clearly delineate between POVs so that the reader knows when a shift in POV is occurring. Some authors like to start chapters with the name of the POV character in a heading, keeping the entire chapter in that POV. Others like to switch POVs within chapters, marking shifts with a clear line break. You just want to keep your transitions clear and consistent to avoid reader confusion! And for those who don’t like using character names in headers, aim to establish whose POV the reader is following quickly and clearly. For example, you can describe that character’s internal life, perspective, or actions within the first few lines of the new chapter or section.
4. Ensure the POV Remains Clear and Consistent in Each Scene.
Now that you’ve determined which POV the scene should be in, you need to make sure you’re not head hopping! Cut any thoughts or feelings experienced by non-POV characters and instead “show, not tell” these pieces of information through the observations of the POV character. For example, our above revision doesn’t tell the reader that Mark is more worried about price than comfort; it shows his reluctance through him poking the mattress, giving short responses, and suggesting they look at the cheapest mattress in the store! These hints about how Mark’s motivations differ from Hanna’s add a nice bit of intrigue and tension to be resolved later.
For multi-POV projects, you can also choose to shift POVs with a clear line or chapter break. This tool is very helpful for scenes where two important POV characters both have a large amount at stake. Just be careful to shift only when necessary; most scenes don’t need to be told from more than one perspective, and shifting POVs too frequently will rob the reader of their immersion in the character’s headspace and emotional state.
5. Immerse Yourself and Your Reader in the Given POV.
Try to consider not just WHAT the POV character sees or thinks, but also HOW they view that person, place, or thing in comparison to other characters. Personality, background, age, and emotional states can really change the way people see and describe things; just consider how that red price tag attracted Mark and repelled Hanna! Is this character selfless or selfish, happy or sad, young or old? For example, child characters might use “Mr.,” “Ms.,” or “Mrs.” to refer to adult characters, whereas adult characters will likely just use first names. Worried or paranoid characters might jump to more negative conclusions, whereas happy or naive characters might overlook or gloss over ominous signs. Lean into the unique voices of your POV characters to really immerse the reader in their perspective.
In Conclusion
Head hopping is a very common technique, especially in first drafts or with newer writers, because it allows you to flesh out what every character is thinking or feeling in a given scene. However, according to Necaise, “there’s a reason we almost never see head hopping in today’s successful novels… in most cases, it’s a crutch for the writer rather than a creative choice that will enhance the reader’s experience.” So don’t leave readers frustrated with lazy, confusing writing—strengthen your craft and immerse your audience by using a clear perspective!
Resources
"Head-Hopping: What It Is and Why You Shouldn’t Do It." Kahina Necaise.
"The Pros and Cons of Head Hopping." Jennifer Ellis.
Comments